Wed March 24: New RESOLUTION START TIME

I slipped repeatedly. Often, when I act out, my mind goes into a whirlpool. And I completely forget all the reasons why I created my resolutions. And acting out seems so relevant at the moment. So even though, when I first wrote my resolution on this blog, I was 110% sure it would be successful, it wasn't. This has happened about 1000 times.

I'll just take it one day at a time. If I slip, I'll start back up again as soon as possible. I'll record all slips in this blog, if there are any that is.

What did you expect?

Monday March 22nd, noon: Resolution start time, date

It's harder than I thought. I slipped several times, especially when I stayed at home with my parents. I haven't been keeping to a schedule at all. I've been lazy, unproductive, and self-pitying. I spent a lot of time surfing the net and doing nothing at all. Just thinking. I'll reset the resolutions to today, Monday March 22nd at noon.

What did you expect?

Downward Spiral: 1st day Resolution

Left to my own devices, I become a danger to myself. Put me in a room alone with my laptop and I will self destruct. If not the first day, certainly by the end of the week. Usually on the first day.

I've decided to resume writing in this blog. I want to make my struggle public. My audience will be a source of accountability.

So now for accountability:
I've been looking at porn a lot lately. And masturbating a lot. These addictions have taken over my life. Some days, I get nothing done because I get absorbed in porn. If not porn, other sorts of internet surfing. I want to stop badly. But when my compulsions begin, my consciousness is lost.

I intend to wage a jihad for my consciousness.

So today, at 7:30 am of Friday March 19th, I declare the end of porn, masturbation, and compulsive internet surfing. I will see to it that this resolution is kept strictly for at least the next 4o days.

I will take every precaution to prevent myself from breaking this sacred resolution.

In general, there are 7 resolutions:

1. No porn.
2. No unscheduled internet surfing that is not porn.
3. I can not touch myself.
   
4. I can not lie down, unless it's scheduled.
5. I have to follow a strict schedue.
6. I have to write down the next day's schedule the night before.
7. I can not disable my filter.

1st 40 days last from Mar 19th to April 27th.
I may report my progress every day or not every day.
If I break this sacred resolution, I'll write that in this blog immediately.

For precautions, there are a number of things I can do.

• First, I will start going to morning services at the synagogue every morning, at least the 6 mornings that are of lesser importance. That will put me on a schedule.
• I will make sure not to study anywhere private. I will only study in the most public parts of the library where I would not dare surf the net randomly.
• I will leave my laptop at school rather than take it home with me.
  
• I will make an appointment with a therapist.

What did you expect?