Since the last post, I've broken that same resolution several times. Today, I just got to the library at 7 pm. How is this possible? I seem to be alternating regularly between good days and bad days. Thus, I'm at best just squeaknig by in my classes. I'm not getting any exercise. And my relationships are suffering.


I learned over and over again that it doesn't take much at all to trigger a relapse. First, I'll just decide to check the latest boxing news and nothing else. Next thing I know, I'm checking every news site, watching online videos, looking up porn and masturbating till evening. Then, I'll get depressed. My mind is shot. And I have to take another 3 hours to regain my focus. Meanwhile, I lose confidence that I can be a real person.


The key to this resolution is strictness. If I keep to it very strictly, I have a chance. As soon as I give in an inch, you know what happens. It's never too late to learn from my mistakes. At least I know better than ever now, what I need to do. I just need to learn to focus now and I will have turned the last relapse into something positive. Nothing is a waste of time.


I need to be extremely strict. I must set a schedule the night before for the following morning. I must avoid the internet at all times when it can be avoided. I have to make sure I never do anything at all to pleasure my penis. I need to keep my thoughts away from anything that will put me at risk of a relapse. I need to constantly remind myself that I'm not normal -- I have a disease. I need to stay positive at all times even when I can't find a reason to do so. Positivity is my default. (And there are always many reasons to stay positive - very few to be negatve.) I need to make sure that I never even think of lying down. I should schedule time with friends if I feel working all the time will be unrealistic. I should alternate subjects every two hours or so in order that learning doesn't get tedious. If I can focus on all of the above, I should be alright.

What did you expect?