Confessions, couresy of mysecret.tv

I lost my virginity when I was 21. But my real confession is that I've never had a girlfriend, and I am ashamed of myself because I lack sexual experience because of it. I happen to be 40 years old presently. I feel like a teenager because of my lack of experience.

I lost my virginity to my husband, before we got married. He cheated on me, before we got married, and I knew about it. He cheated on me while we were married and I ignored it, lied to myself, and pretended it wasn't happening. I started working outside of the home, became good friends with a co-worker who listened to me and made me feel better, and then I cheated on my husband. He has never found out. We are divorcing now, I'm miserable, our children are miserable, we're all broken down and exhausted. I don't trust my "good-friend" who I cheated with, even though we are in a relationship, b/c I don't trust myself now. This hurts so bad, I feel sick, sometimes I just want to die. I only keep going for my daughter.


I confess to God that i have had sexual thoughts about adolesents and teens. I lost my virginity very early. and began masturbating and looking at porn much earlier. probably around 8 or 9. Please pray for me. I need healing. I need these thoughts to go away. I need to quit masturbating. God delivered me from. ciggarette, drug and alcohol addiction. So I have faith that he can deliver me from this also. am very embarrased. thank you so much for any prayers or thoughts. I know the Lord will be working through you.

I lost my virginity to a married man at the age of 22. I didn't know he was married. After I found out, I tried getting away from the relationship but I wasn't strong enough. The relationship continued and still continues for almost 3 years. I love him. He tells me he loves me and I believe him...just not completely. He is in the process of getting a divorce- he wants to make sure to leave his wife and little boy financially stable which is slowing down the whole process. Even though he tells me we will be together, I don't know if I really believe him. At least I have been strong enough to stop the sexual part of the relationship. My family doesn't know that I am still seeing him. They think that we are apart since I found out he is married. I feel shame for lying to those close to me. I worry that God will not let this relationship flourish since it formed on the basis of a sin. I ask for forgiveness for my sin, but how can I be forgiven when I haven't stopped sinning? No matter what I still am sinning...I ask for strength and forgiveness. I feel like I am self-destructing.

im 15 and i lost my virginity to a rich boy who goes to all the right schools last summer my dad approved of him and trusted me and him enough to come over essentially unsupervisedand even worse even though we were technically dating i knew he was dating at least 4 other girls because thats the kinda of guy he is i was also cheating on him i gave away the precious gift of my virginity to a boy who didnt and doesnt care about me i was simply someone willing for him to lose it with

When I was 16 I had dated this man who was 24 at the time, I was flattered and ignorant. I am very much ashamed of this time of my life because this man took my virginity. A week or so after he came to me crying (literally tears in his eyes) that his fiance was coming home and he felt very bad about how he had betrayed her. I was speechless and spineless, I just got out of the truck and went into my home. I had the power right there to tell my dad all about this and I know he would have had him arrested even if I stood there screaming not to I would have had no control and where I was from statutory rape carried up to 15 years in prison, but my father never new about my relationship with this 24 year old man or my shame. And even when my so called friend at the time (who was the one who introduced me to him) found out I had sex with him said that he and two other guys had a bet as to who would have sex with me first. I still didn't tell my dad. But I no longer hung out with them and my life slowly got better. I never told a soul how humiliated I was. A year later he came back, driving his mother's very old beat up car and told me his sob story how he lost his job because of drugs and that his wife left him, took all their possessions and his favored truck and moved back to her home state (Washington), he said he wanted to start up a relationship with me again. I didn't feel satisfaction like I thought I would at hearing of his downward spiral. But I was interested in someone else, (who I am married to now) and was definitely not interested in him. I was a bit stronger than I had been before and told him that I would like to just be friends. I never saw him again. But I do often reflect back on my life and wish that I had just said no. I only hope that he realizes the damage he did to a young innocent, young girl. I remember before I had sex with him my mother talking to me about waiting until I had found the one man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and marry him before having sex with him. She told me that I would later regret it if I didn't because someone who truly loves you for you will wait for that special day. Now that I am married to the man I will spend the rest of my life with I know exactly what she meant by regretting it later. And if by God's will he reads this? He will know exactly that this letter is meant for him. And I pray that he has turned his life around and all though I am ashamed I can't help but wonder if he looks back and is ashamed as well.

I have been vowing to save my virginity until marriage all my life. Then 2 weeks after my 20th birthday, I had sex with one of my best friends. He said that he was in love with me and wanted to start a relationship. 4 days later, I went to a party, got drunk, and had sex with one of my friends... not the same guy. I told the first guy, he freaked out and said it was over between us and couldn't trust me ever again. The thing is, I wasn't so regretful about sleeping with the second guy as I was that I told the first guy about it. I wish I hadn't told him. Now, I've gotten to the point where I just want to have sex. I enjoyed it. I used to have such a passionate relationship with Jesus and I talked to him everyday. He was the love of my life. He was EVERYTHING to me. Then I had sex, and I can't hear Him anymore. It's like He's not even there. I don't know what to do.I'm also addicted to masturbation, and I have been since I was 12 years old. I can't seem to stop, and it's gotten to the point where I'm not even feeling guilty about it anymore.

recently my dad, whose 57 years old, started dating this girl who'se only like 6 month older than i am and that makes me so angry that i just wish i could kill him. whenever this girl is around i get very angry and very jealous (because she should be attracted to me instead of my dad). another reason it makes me so jealous to see my dad with a girl my age is because i never had a girlfriend myself. i'm so bad with girls that i had to get hooked up with one to lose my virginity. i feel so much pain every single day knowing that i can't get myself a girlfriend, and seeing my dad with a girl my age and seeing him go to bed with her makes me feel even worse about myself. i hate myself and i hate my dad. on the other side of the coin, i just think it's plain wrong for somebody my dad's age to go out with a 20 year old girl. i wish you could pray for my dad and for me and for his little girlfriend... for the good of their souls.

My wife gets no pleasure from sex. I cant get enough of it. I would have sex 3 times a day if she would. We used to do that but now she just doesn't care. Since she's shut me out basically completely My mind and body went searching for something to fill that void and it resorted to pornography. Thank God it wasn't an affair or affairs but I still feel guilty but what do I do? I cant just tell her to lye there. She revealed to me that she was molested and raped as a child and that when we have sex it reminds her of it. She told me this after we got married and I cant help to think it's not fair. Some guy took my wifes virginity and I didn't. I was a vigin she told me she was a virgin (which she was in hers and in God's eyes). But why do I have to live with someone elses wrong doing, why am I paying for someone elses defiling act of imorality. Why do I not get to enjoy the pleasure of sex with my wife because of this ...... disgusting guy? Then I look at myself. Am I any better when I look at pornography which stems from this guys act of rape? I dont know what to think. Then I find myself yelling at my wife because she wont even think about having sex with me because she sees the pornography on the computer. Why this viscious circle? What did I do to deserve something, someone so defiled, what did she do to deserve to be defiled?Why do people do these things? What are they thinking? HOW DO THEY JUSTIFY DOING WHAT THEY DID? But I forgive you. God please help me to understand what my wife goes through everyday and help to find the way to make her forget and think of the purity of my love for her and cleans my life of this anger, hatred, and pornography. I am at your mercy please help me.


When I was young, my childhood was not a very stable one. I grew up in a family that did not respect nor like each other. I was molested by people who were supposed to be close to me. People who were supposed to protect me. The first time I was molested was by my god-sister, she was 16, I was about 51/2. I was visiting and even though I told her I was uncomfortable she told me that this was going to "fun". I was scared but who could I tell, who would believe me? After a while I looked forward to visiting her, even though I felt wrong afterwards. The molestation continued until her Mother caught her (us). I do not remember that day.I was later on molested by one of my male cousins on my 7th birthday, and later on in life another male cousin who came to visit us for the summer. As time went on I felt as if that was all I was meant for in life, to be molested. Then my step-father had me hump a doll, and stuck his finger inside me, all while his friends were in the living room.Then years later I went to beach with one of my stepfathers friends (yes he was still in my life), and he molested me. He took me out to the middle of the water where he knew I could not swim, I was only 8, and fingered me. I started crying and told him I wanted to go home. He finally took me back to the shore. His wife knew what he did, and told me not to tell my Mom. That she would never believe me, and her husband would get in trouble. He kept my panties as a reminder of what he did. I didn't tell, because I was afraid. All that I mentioned above started when I was around the age of 51/2 - 10. It made me feel useless and dirty. I started believing that the only way to find love would be to let people take advantage of me. I was 13 and my mother had started partying a lot, she would bring home her friends (male & female). Well, one of her male friends expressed interest in me, and pursued a relationship with me, he was 26yrs. old, I was only 13. He took my virginity, he did not rape me physically, but he did mentally rape me. I was tired of telling him no, tired of fighting off people on my life. I was used up by the time I was 15.I still haven't told you the worst thing yet. I turned around and became like all the other monsters in my life. I molested a half cousin, and my little brother when I was about 9 yrs old. I never fondled his genitals, but I did, lay on top of him, I am so ashamed of what I did. I want to bring it up to him, and apologize for doing to him what was done to me, but I am afraid of how he would respond. I am also afraid e would tell the family, and I am not ready to deal with the outcome. Please forgive me Lord. I sometimes want to commit suicide so that I can erase all that bad that I brought into the world with me. I am a disgusting person.

I lost my virginity when i was 17 to a married man in his own house, in his own bed. I saw pictures of his family all over and it tormented me, but he kept pushing it on me. Being a virgin i didn't know what I was missing so i didn't need sex. But it still happened. my best friend was in the room next to us with his cousin who was also married. While this was going on I had a boyfriend who i thought I was falling in love with. We had sex the weekend after that and he thought it was my first time and I had to pretend like it was. I never told anyone that i've slept with a dad, or a married man...because I can't imagine how it would feel to be married for so long and have your husband cheat on you with a 17 year old girl and show her everything that she needs to know about sex. That's terrible. I have different outlooks on life now, and i'm scared that I'll never find true love. I can't help but cheat. It happens every relationship I have. They never find out but my own guilt, and just me knowing is enough to kill myself. Not litterally, but, I just think it's hard to find somebody that will still want to take me as their wife knowing what I have done in the past and HOPE it doesn't happen again.

I dont even know where to begin,,,my life has been filled with nothing but shame and regret. When I was 15 I willingly had sex with a guy I wasnt even attracted to just to lose my virginity, because my friends had already and I wanted to "get it over with"...year after year and man after man followed the same...I cant even remember thier faces or thier names, I was even disgusted and repulsed by most of them, but I let them do whatever they wanted to me...I never said "No"..I hated every second of it but I didnt care enough about myself to stop doing this to myself. When I was 22 I gave my children away when they were 2 and 3 years old. I had just left an abusive relationship a year before, but i started taking my hurt out on them...I would yell and hit them...Im so ashamed of hurting them...I still cry about it now even though they are teenagers now. I wish i could go back and love them so much. A few years later, after I was divorced I got pregnant by a guy and had an abortion...I was going to keep it at first...i even had a girl's name picked out but my fear of having to go through what I did with my other children caused me to go ahead with it. Ive had sex with so many guys that never cared about me through my college years(and now in my 30s)I allowed myself to get hurt over and over again, just hoping just one of them would fall in love with me...Im ashamed because I always held on no matter how badly they disrespected me. Last year I decided to give up sex...until i get married...I was doing really well until this summer..a guy i dated before that i really loved came back into my life...i gave my promise to God away and rationalized away my conviction to celibacy...all to hold onto a relationship that ended after only a few months. Im ashamed that I would do this to God...to break a promise I made to Him. He tested me and again I failed...Im so ashamed of my life. Im 33 and Ive thrown so much of it away because I felt unloved. Ive asked for forgiveness so many times...and I ask for it again today Lord...but I still feel so unloved and alone and rejected. Please pray for me.

My secret. A dark one or so I thought-i read other's posts an realized i am not alone. I struggle with masturbation. I hate doing it. I hate the fact that it ties in with veiwing porn. I am a girl, I am in college, I am 20. I learned about masturbation from my mom cause we were just talking and the subject came up. I had no idea what it was, so she just said what it was, and told me it was bad, and I shouldn't do it. that was about 4 years ago. I didn't really get into regular masturbating until 2 or so years ago. I have no idea why I do it, I want to stop. I do, for a while, then I think how good it felt, and I do it again. I am at a christian college, which makes doing these things harder, but I still find a way around it...Pray for me

10 years ago I first had an indecent, sexual conversation online. That grew to seeing online porn, chatting and lots of foreplay with my bfriend. To this day I still battle with it and sometimes find myself masturbating, having illicit thoughts or even watching porn online. Minutes afterwards I realize what I'm doing and stop. It's a hard addiction to break. I was a missionary. I am a youth leader. I'm terrified of telling my future fiancee, yet looking forward to. Pray my brain and body would delete and forget that past. Not likely to happen.

I started masturbating and then couldn't stop. I blurted out the truth to my best (Christian) friend, and asked her to keep me accountable. But shame drove me back into hiding, because I still couldn't find a way out of the hole I'd dug. On top of all this, I'm an addictions counselor! And a hypocrite. I recently came clean before God and gave the problem over to Him. "God, I can't beat this. You died on the cross for me, You can beat death... this is Your problem now." And after that I didn't do it for almost 5 months. Then I got cocky and started counting up how much "clean time" *I* had. My pride went before a great fall. I am really struggling with this again. Please pray for me, that I may always remember Who has t