A Verbal Beating

I took a verbal beating from my mother. It must have lasted an hour and a half. She yelled at me and papa, brutally. I hardly did anything useful since finals. That's why she yelled at me. Well, what have I been up to? All these days, I haven't been keeping a schedule. I got into masturbation. The porn came back for a few of those days. I would spend hours at a time reading blogs and looking through craigslist personals. Last 3 days, I refrained from actual porn. But I've been masturbating obsessively. Today I jerked off 6 times by 5 in the afternoon. I spent most of the day lying on my bed. I would jerk off to stop myself from looking at porn. I don't think that's appropriate.

I was mad at my mother for not being more understanding. It's a common problem to be unproductive. [I just took a break to surf craiglist casual encounters while playing with myself.] Even remarkably productive people I highly respect have had highly unproductive episodes. Enough excuses.

I need to discipline myself. My mind is damaged. I've been a chronic procrastinator, masturbator, porn purveyor for so long, I'm very bad at functioning any differently. And I don't even really know whether there's another way. Actually I do, but that way is always reserved for "tomorrow".

I know what my resolution says. I've already listed it before. But I'll repeat the obligations in order of importance:

1. NO PORNOGRAPHY of any sort.
2. NO internet sufing of any sort - unless authorized in schedule in advance.
3. NO touching of penis whatsoever.
4. NO napping unlesss authorized in schedule.
5. NO television surfing unless authorized in schedule.
6. Keep to a schedule.
7. Brush my teeth twice a day, then floss and use listerine.
8. Hold to a regular workout schedule.
   

It's easier to keep the "NOs" than the commands to do things. So I'll first focus on the NOs.

What did you expect?