Redouble My Efforts

Last few days I've gotten myself into a quagmire of self-destruction. I've filled my days with internet surfing, tv, pacing in every direction, daydreaming, porn, masturbation, etc... I've let my mind wander into crazy, dark directions. I've let myself become depressed and feel sorry for myself. Everything bad, I've done.

So now, once again, I'd like to turn a new leaf. I'd like to tell myself that everything is okay. Shit happens to everyone. Every element of self-destruction is familiar to everyone. In terms of self-destruction, noone is unique. The past is behind me. All that matters now is the future. And that is what I have to start preparing for right now. I've broken my last 40 day resolution after 3 or 4 days. Now, I have to restart the resolution. And I have to look at it differently. Each day, I have to realize that I'm following the resolution not just to add another day to the count, but to make that day the best day it can possibly be for my life present and future. That is why I'm following the resolution. It's to get rid of all the junk that otherwise fills up my life. It's because pain is not the opposite of pleasure. Boredom is. So, once again, I will redouble my efforts. And this time, I will succeed.